Travel Craziness

Last week, I went on a business trip. It was my first business trip since the pandemic started, and I was a bit nervous at the start. I knew that I was going to wear my mask on the plane and in the airport and just as much as possible. Maybe the COVID risks aren't that high, but "conference crud" has been a thing since before the pandemic, and I had things to do this week that I wanted to be well for. 

The travel started off well enough. The flight from Boise to Salt Lake was short and uneventful. The next flight to the destination was delayed, but not too long. It actually made the layover better, because there was time to get food without worrying about missing the connection. Again, an uneventful flight, though quite a bit longer all the way through to Nashville. 

Easy enough to check in to the hotel, and I then walked over to a nearby Whole Foods to get some snacks and a dinner. I could have gone to a restaurant for dinner, but it's a lot harder to know exactly what ingredients are in foods at a restaurant. It's just easier to buy a frozen meal. Plus, I got a popsicle for the walk back to the hotel, which was a fabulous idea if I do say so myself. 

The conference itself was good, and I learned a bunch. Departure was early Saturday morning, and it taught me something else entirely. 

See, the flight left at 5:25 am Saturday morning. Two hours before that would be 3:25, but the security line in Nashville doesn't open until 4 am, so the planned departure from the hotel was set for 3:15 in the AM. I tried to go to bed a little after 9, hoping I would get some 4 to 5 hours of sleep. Instead, I woke up just before midnight and couldn't get back to sleep. 

I tried, I really did. But I ended up being wakeful until after 2 am. I did doze off enough to miss my 2:35 am alarm, but the 2:45 am alarm got me up. I ate some cut watermelon I'd gotten from Whole Foods and got dressed. I didn't bother with a shower, just double checked everything was packed and left a tip for housekeeping. 

I was done before 3:15, but I was still second to last to arrive of my group. We got in an Uber, made it to the airport where I then had to wait in line to check my bag. Then security - where I had to go through twice because I forgot to drink the last of the water in my bottle. I blame that on the Uber - it was a tight fit for 5 passengers plus luggage, and instead of drinking my water, I had to use my elbows to keep other people's luggage from braining me. 

But we made it through and got on the short flight to Atlanta. Yes, Atlanta. Because why not go south and east when your destination is north and west? That's where things started to fall apart. Our flight's departure was delayed 50 minutes, and then 10 more. Then we sat on the tarmac after boarding for another 10 to 20 minutes. Our layover at Salt Lake was already going to be tight, but the pilot assured us that they would make up time in the air. 

Ha!

They may have made up time in the air, but it wasn't enough for us. When we neared Salt Lake, one of the flight attendants tried to help folks with tight connections by announcing said connections and having people raise their hands, something they don't typically do. Several destinations were announced, but not Boise. No, we had already missed our flight. 

Two of my party got rebooked on a flight later that day to Boise. Two got booked over to San Francisco to spend the night and then get to Boise in the morning. I got rebooked to fly into Seattle the next day and then Boise that afternoon. This was not acceptable. 

After a very long wait in the customer service line, I got onto standby for the same day flight to Boise, as did my fellow travelers who had not been automatically rebooked for it. We ate lunch and then went to stand by and see if there would be any room on the flight for us. I saw my name up on the board as being on standby - a first for me. But my fellow travelers were not on the board and were starting to be resigned to a night in Salt Lake or a return trip to the customer service line. 

But in the end, there was room for all of us. I even got to sit next to one of my party in the row right behind first class with more leg room than I could possibly use. The seat felt like how I remember airplane seats being in my youth, much wider than the economy seats are nowadays. It was tolerable, and I even managed to doze on the flight. 

Even with my toes pointed, I couldn't touch the seat in front of me.

It was an absolutely draining, incredibly long day. It's one thing if you've got a flight and it just has a lot of layovers or will take a long time. It's a different thing if you're running on less than 3 hours sleep and don't know when or whether you'll get home. I'm really hoping my next flight has nowhere near this level of insanity - at the very least, I'll be protesting any attempt to book me on a flight before 6 in the morning... 

Have Some Ducks

I've been under the weather for over a week now. I'm grinding away at the book production, but it's all fits and starts as this illness eases up and then gets worse again. So, here are some recent pictures of my porch ducks. I am enjoying the snow at least :) 

12/25/21

12/29/21

1/5/22

Health Update

Warning: frank talk about poop to follow. 

I've pretty much been in pain every day for the past couple years. Maybe not the whole time, and mostly at a level that I can bear, but still. So I decided to try and push the gastro doc to actually do something to treat me instead of, like the last one, brushing me off with vague instructions never to eat fiber again. 

The first such attempt turned out awful. The pill pretty much destroyed my weekend and my butt. Instead of a cessation of pain, I got diarrhea and vomiting on day one, which faded to diarrhea only the next few days. I stopped that one, but it still hasn't fully left my system. 

And now I have to decide whether I try the next one or just give up on Western medicine entirely and try something different. My husband and I recently watched a convincing video on the importance of the microbiome on gut health, but when I brought that up with the doc he said that there wasn't enough robust evidence for them to do that kind of testing at his practice. 

To which I wonder exactly what kind of rigorous studies the medication he did give me has gone through. And I really can't help but wonder how much money the pharmaceutical companies are paying to convince doctors that their drugs are good. Sure, the drugs need to pass FDA approval, but they are not infallible or proof against lobbyist dollars. 

Writing that makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist. But I am finding very little trust in the American health care system within myself. The systems seem to be run purely by financial interests, mostly focused on the insurance companies' abilities to avoid paying for services. Heck, the doc even mentioned that if he went with this one drug, the insurance company would tend to fight him on it, and without insurance it costs like $300 for a month's supply. 

And, because I know how much some drugs cost without insurance, $300 per month doesn't actually sound that horrible, though I certainly don't want to pay that. 

It was also interesting for me to consider that even though the microbiome doesn't have robust enough research, something that has been essentially proven only to help some people, avoiding FODMAPs, was something that the doc recommended, bringing it up when I mentioned making my own applesauce because apples are high in FODMAPs (FODMAPs are a type of carbohydrate that have a "strong link" to digestive issues). Of course, fruits that are low in FODMAPs are high in fiber, such as citrus and green bananas. And while I have some doubts about the IBS diagnosis, the delayed gastric emptying thing feels correct. I've felt how my body no longer likes dealing with eating things like pineapple. So fibrous. So delicious :(

I had been eating bananas as my fiber for a while, but I switched when I read that those can cause constipation. And I rarely ate green ones. But I did try the low FODMAP diet, way back when this whole rollercoaster started. It had absolutely no efficacy for me. Low fiber did help for a time, but I have not found what it is that will bring me back to pain free equilibrium in my gut. 

There's a part of me that really wants to find an answer without resorting to prescription drugs. But the larger part of me just wants an answer. 

So I'm still looking. 

Holding On

I hate talking on the phone. It is just not my favorite thing to do. Especially with cell phones, because there's the added paranoia of whether my face will sweat so much that it damages the computer I'm jamming against my ear or I will accidentally hang up on someone because of said sweaty ear.

While I have found that using a headset mitigates some of the anxiety for me, especially when it comes to the part of my anxiety that struggles to get people to repeat themselves when I don't hear them clearly, it doesn't impact the part of me that just doesn't like talking on the phone. I mean, I can raise the volume on the headset and make it work, but only to a point. 

And, of course, being on hold is no one's favorite activity. But recently, I found a new low in being on hold when I was trying to make a health care appointment. 

First off, there's the pre-recorded message. I called the main line, and had to listen to their Covid spiel. And then, when I pressed the number for scheduling, the whole message repeated. That was special. 

The music that they played on the hold line was fine. Not great, not terrible. No, the terrible part was that every 30 seconds, there's a click. It sounds like, just maybe, someone is going to pick up. For my particular phone anxiety, the moment the other person picks up creates a great deal of tension in me. It's time, I have to speak to a human being and try to make myself understood and understand the other person. Scary! 

But that click just heralds the arrival of yet another automated recording, thanking me for being on hold and suggesting that I might want to press 1 for voicemail. 

And if you stick it out for a mere 5 minutes, it just sends you to voicemail anyway. 10 interruptions to the music that sound like the phone is being picked up, and they just send you to voicemail anyway. 

Of course, before you leave your voicemail, you must listen to ANOTHER automated message with instructions on how to voicemail. 

Overall, the stress of making that appointment (that I didn't really want to make, I've got issues here), was exacerbated by their horrible hold, and I hope that my stressed voicemail wherein I said their hold procedure sucked will cause them to rethink the torture they are putting potential patients through. 

It's a Pain

I've been feeling off for a while now. Off enough that I did go to the doctor's office, and I will be getting some diagnostic stuff done, but that won't be for another few weeks. In the meantime, I'm just trying to deal with it. 

It's more difficult to deal with than usual, because I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I feel like my brain is not operating at its normal speed. I'm losing track of things that I don't usually lose. I fumble and bumble. There's a near constant lump in my throat and pain behind my sternum. My abdomen is a basket of random pains that strike on their mysterious whims. 

Part of the abdominal pain is premenstrual right now, and that makes things even worse, because I'm emotional and I know it. And it's perfectly normal for me to be in pain during my period, right? 

One thing that bugged me when I went to the dr's office was that I mentioned easing myself back into eating a bit more fiber, some fruits so I'm not going totally fiber free. And she said, essentially, that my IBS and gastroparesis were permanent and I needed to keep that in mind. 

At the time, I didn't reply, but later I wished I had. I wished I had looked at her with incredulity and asked if she had, unbeknownst to me, discovered the sure cause of my condition, and proven that I had IBS. And, since she now knew this for a fact, I would most certainly be interested in how she came to this miraculous conclusion. 

Probably for the best that I didn't say anything. 

If anything, doing the experiment with the laxatives has shown me that my body does not react like I expected, based on what I'd read about IBS. They should have just worked, but they didn't. I've stopped them for now, though I'm still drinking a can of old fashioned prune juice each evening. It seemed like the right thing to do after I had a bout of diarrhea. 

I went to work on Monday even though I really didn't want to. I wanted to stay in bed. Instead, I went in and spent a very active day moving my office. It doesn't seem right to take a sick day when I don't know what's wrong, and when I couldn't do anything for myself other than rest in bed. I rested all weekend. I slept over 10 hours Saturday night! 

I'm trying to troubleshoot this, but I'm not finding anything that has a particular affect on how I'm feeling. Caffeine, pain killers, antacids, more sleep, rest, exercise, more water... My head doesn't feel quite right, but I'm capable of doing everything I need to do. I can drive and work. Ride my bike. Run. 

So I'll need to find and try different things since the things that I've tried have had no effect. Always good to get it out on the page. To write out the problem often brings the solution into greater clarity. For me at least. 

Oh, Cats

When I was in 7th or 8th grade, I wanted to get a dog. By this point, I'd had a pet rat. And I think my brother and I briefly had a goldfish. But I wanted an animal who would be a companion. A pet to pet and cuddle with. A dog!

My dad offered a compromise. We could get a cat. 

I didn't see this as a good deal, but I agreed. We got ourselves a cat. 

And we discovered that I am allergic to cats. Very allergic. Living with a cat gave me exercise induced asthma, and I would also get an asthma attack whenever I cleaned the litter box. Since our original deal had been that I would need to clean the litter box or we would send the cat back, I told my dad that we had to send the cat back, because I could not clean out the litter box. 

My goal was to send the cat back so I could regain my ability to breathe without huffing an inhaler. 

I was thwarted, because my dad had already fallen in love with the cat. And Topaz was not a nice kitty either. He showed affection my making you bleed. 

So I've avoided cats for most of my adult life, much to the chagrin of my friends who own cats. But when I went to visit my family recently, I was on allergy meds and decided to see how it went. Both my brother's cat and my dad's current cat acted like I smelled like fish and basically just demanded my attention and affection. 

And I went with the flow, and I petted the cats, especially my dad's cat, Coco. It's maybe a little silly, but she was my mom's cat, too, and I felt like I was coming to peace with her death when Coco would hop up on my lap and literally snuggle up on me. Such a lovey kitty!

I pet those cats, and I played with those cats. It was fine! I got a little bit of a cough, but no symptoms otherwise. Until I got home. 

The day after I got home, I was punished for my brief kitty lifestyle with a sinus infection that I am only starting to get over now I've been home for over a week. 

I think, next time, I might bring nasal saline flush with me. Perhaps if I give my sinuses a nice bath every day, they won't get stuffed with cat dander and decide to pick up an infection on the flight home. 

Because there will be a next time. Sinus infections suck, and I won't risk them by owning a cat of my own. But I have friends and family with cats, and I'd like to figure out how to visit them without asking that the cats be locked away or threatening said cats with water should they approach me. 

Coco on my lap.

Yasha on my lap.

Book - Blocked at the Source!

Last weekend, my husband and I spent some time in a laundromat. We were there to wash some down filled items that we can't wash in our machine at home. While we waited, I worked on a new idea that Ambrose had helped me come up with for my book. In past books, I've used chapter headings, usually including the day (e.g. Day 1) and sometimes a description of the day. After I showed Ambrose an elevation profile of my first day's hike, he told me I should put that in the book. And thus was born a new way of labeling chapters: 

So now, each day begins with a little illustration of the trail and elevation profile. All of it is hand drawn, based on observations from Gaia GPS, which I'm starting to like a lot. 

At the laundromat, I roughed out the concept and drew the lines, using the Surface's pen. And after I got home, I didn't do much with it, beyond emailing the files to myself so I could use them on the main computer (which is where I do all my publishing). 

On Sunday, I didn't feel like running, and I figured if I wasn't going to run, I really ought to work on my book. At that point, unusually for me, I hadn't even picked out the cover photos. I was glad that I hadn't finished placing all the photo plates in the document, because adding the header images moved everything that I had placed around. 

So, first, I adjusted the headers that I made at the laundromat to a format that would fit my books (which is what you see above). Then I did placement work, rewrote my about the author page, added an additional works page and made the cover. 

All that was left was to upload the file to Amazon KDP and then request a proof copy. 

See, I have been planning all year to get a printed proof for this book before publishing it. After last year, when I published a version that included numerous typos, I was determined to do a real read through - on paper - before publishing. 

Naturally, this desire is what is currently thwarting me. 

KDP has a new process for ordering proof copies. You click a button, and it tells you to wait no longer than 4 hours to receive an email that lets you know the proof is in your cart and ready to order. At least, that's what they say will happen. 

In reality, I clicked that button 4 separate times over the course of two days (starting Sunday evening) and have yet to receive a single email from KDP. Since their help/FAQ provides no information on what to do if this happens, and is even a bit rude, in my opinion (see below), I had to reach out to their customer service. I still haven't been able to order a proof. 

And so, I must wait upon the graces of customer service, and hope and pray that they do not redirect my request in an eternal loop like they did for the last thing I needed help with. My book is all but ready to go I'm so frustrated!

*Note - I wrote this Tuesday night, before Amazon KDP finally got back to me. The proof copy has been ordered, but the bad customer service experience lives on forever. 

Unpack That

It was in 2006, I believe, that I was last at my childhood home with my own vehicle. My mother was always a bit of a pack rat (and I've taken after her there), and I wanted to take some things back to Idaho with me. Old school papers and such. Photos. I found a big plastic bin, and I shoved a bunch of papers into it, most of which were related to me, and loose photos. 

Over the years, and several moves, I've kept that bin. I rarely looked at the papers. Mostly, I would delve into it when I wanted pictures of my family. 

After my mom died last month, I went through the bin, paper by paper. I got to see things that she had touched, that she had chosen to save, that she had written. I was struck again by how similar my handwriting is to how hers used to be. 

It was as if I knew, somehow, that I wouldn't be able to go back to Illinois when she passed. And that I'd want, even need, something to help me connect and process. 

I'm still processing. Still reeling. Still considering what this all means. I've been thinking about the songs that I wrote after Chris Hill died. Some of the papers in the bin were of more recent vintage, things that I'd saved from college, and that included a list of those songs. But not all the lyrics, which I'm not sure I still have saved anywhere. 

Maybe I'll rewrite them, once I figure out how to play guitar accompaniment to them the melodies that I still recall and the choruses that are mostly still there. I think about recording the songs and posting them somewhere, but then I get this paranoid feeling that everything I've thought or written has already been thought or written before, that if I like the songs, then I must surely have copied them from something I heard. 

The physical bin that I unpacked and sorted is not the only bin being unpacked and sorted in my head right now. 

Tummy Troubles

I didn't want to see someone new for my annual wellness exam, but my regular person was out on leave when I was supposed to get it done. So, new person to explain my diet to, knowing that they won't be able to help anymore than anyone else. I've reached a point of just experimenting with foods slowly and I know I'm not getting enough vegetables in my life, but the fiber still triggers gastroparesis pains/issues. 

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. This new person wasn't all that interested in me, and I didn't have to explain too much. Just that I'm doing the best that I can and exercising a lot and I'll just have to wait and see if my numbers are looking okay from the bloodwork. At this point, I'm assuming that they do look okay, because I have not been called back for a follow up, and they're usually pretty quick about that. 

I've been in a bit of an IBS flare for a couple weeks now. I can't seem to get out of it. My bowels are still moving, but I'm getting mucous coming out and hard stools. Plus nausea and gas and general tummy pain. The usual. 

I know that anxiety over the state of the world is contributing to the tummy issues. I need to figure out a way not to let that stress affect my tummy. Because I don't want anxiety to make my tummy hurt, which then makes me more anxious, which then makes my tummy hurt more etc... 

Maybe retreating to a cave for the next ten years would do the trick...

Since I can't do that (yet), I'm going to focus on what I can control. I will get my solo book written and published. I will exercise: CrossFit goal is 5 times a week, running goal is 3 times a week (1 can be a run/walk as long as there's elevation gain), and I decided to do Power Abs again for the month of November. I will do my job at work and keep getting paid. I might even write another book that's been percolating in my head since August - but solo first. Only got about 1000 words over last weekend. This weekend needs to be better. 

And it will be. 

State of the 2020 Solo Book

 I'm a bit late in writing up my solo trip this year. I've started later than this once before, and it just ends up delaying publication overall, because I use the winter break to write instead of to publish. I have started, and made some progress, but not nearly as much as I'd like. 

I know it's all about getting my butt in the chair and typing it out. And yet, somehow, I'm just not choosing that, again and again. I think part of it is that I'm pretty stressed at work. There is so much work to be done and more and more seems to pile up each day. I'm so far from being bored that I've forgotten what that feels like. 

I need to let that stress go. I need to just accept that things are going to be busy as all get out, and people are going to get impatient and think that they should be at the head of the line. I will make my assessment, do what I can in the time that I have, and go home and get my butt in the chair. 

If I can get in a good, full weekend of writing, I should be able to wrap this up before the end of the month, setting me up for a 2020 publication year if I keep the discipline of butt in chair up for the picture plates and publication tasks. 

Headache Resurge

I'd managed to go quite a while without getting a bad headache. That streak ended over the weekend.

I've come up with a new theory on them. I know that my jaw has been ground down a bit from tooth grinding - enough that even I could see it on the x-ray. And I've heard that some people get weather aches in bones that were previously broken. Therefore, if I get a headache when the rains come, and that headache radiates out from that very jawbone...

Unfortunately, that hypothesis would mean there's not a whole lot that I can do to alleviate things, at least not that I have found. Maybe if I could flee to a hyperbaric chamber? I feel like I've tried so many things to treat the headaches, with mixed success at best.

When I have the headache, there's not much room for anything else. Just the throbbing, aching pain, radiating out from the jaw or the neck, sometimes the sinus, but almost always the left side. I keep trying things to get rid of the pain, but the best I can usually get is some level of ability to ignore it. Just enough distraction to keep me from screaming into a pillow.

On the other hand, I did manage to go quite a while without a headache. AND there were other rainstorms in that time period, so maybe the whole weather ache theory is bunk after all. So I should look at what I was doing in that time period, what I might have done that kept the headaches away for months at a time, and maybe what I did to bring them back.

It could have been stress, but I should have been getting more headaches during the whole pandemic crisis, right? The only other factor that might be at play is my menstrual cycle. I wonder if I could find a correlation between headaches and a coincidence of being on my period and having a storm front pass through?

I guess I'll have to start tracking the weather...

Tacky

Yesterday, I learned that tacks are a pain in the butt, and I wondered what possessed the makers of the magnetic screen door that I purchased to make them use tacks instead of nails.

See, I've been getting outside to go on runs regularly the last few weeks, and when the weather has been nice, I've seen people with those magnetic screen doors. And I thought, wouldn't that be a cool thing to have? Literally, in some cases, in that it would actually help us cool our living space.

And so, I brought the idea to my husband. Great idea, said he. Go for it.

When the item arrived in the mail, I was "at work" so I didn't take it out until dinner time. I started to mess with it, but then realized I really should eat dinner first. So I ate. Then I went back to the magnetic screen door and fiddled and measured and tacked it to the right length for my door. That wasn't too bad, but it was a bit of a pain to shove the tacks through the polyester borders and velcro.

No, where the true evil of tacks lie is with the placement and pushing. I broke about a dozen tacks as I learned what I needed to do in terms of pressure with the hammer and positioning both on the frame in terms of the tack and angle of attack in terms of the hammer. I was dripping sweat, still wearing my work clothes because I had to actually leave the house around 6:30. I was grumbling and a bit miffed that Ambrose hadn't volunteered to help me out. Though now I completely understand and will employ the same tactics in the future, should I ever be in his position with someone uninitiated to the joys of tacks.

Prepping to Work from Home

Well, the university where I work decided to convert all classes to online for the remainder of the semester. Students are encouraged to go home, but allowed to stay on campus. Employees were also encouraged to work from home, but I still had to go in on Monday and Tuesday. We spent large chunks of Monday and Tuesday preparing for working from home. It was kind of an adventure, equal parts exciting and scary. Well, maybe a bit more on the scary side.

But there were problems to solve, and my team was on it. We walked other coworkers through the processes of downloading, installing and connecting to a VPN. We had to work out how they would do the work that they normally do with two large monitors from a tiny laptop screen, while at home. At first, we tried to get some work-specific software installed on the laptops, but our tech support area at the university is slammed by people trying to go remote, so we got the standard answer of "use remote desktop instead of the laptop itself." Which, to be honest, is actually a really good idea.

We just had to get all the end users comfortable with the idea. Well, that was mostly Monday's plan. Tuesday upped the ante a bit. The decision was made to allow employees to take home their towers and monitors, if they so desired. Some of them did, others did not. I did not, because I live in a studio apartment and there's really not enough space for another computer, let alone the two large monitors. I'm going to give it a go with my laptop for a while and maybe I'll be able to figure out the space issue.

It's going to be interesting doing all meetings virtually and trying to get work done with my husband in the same room. Oh, man, we're going to have to figure out some sort of truce on the music front. I know what he likes to listen to during the day, and, for the most part, it's not what I would want to work to. Especially because I like to sing along to songs, and since I'm not in the office, I can do that. And I'll have to ask him to be very quiet during virtual meetings. And I'll either have to say my conversation isn't private or literally ask my husband to leave the house during meetings. He says he doesn't mind, but it's still funny to me.

I don't know how long this situation is going to go on. I don't know when I'm going to see the people that I'm accustomed to seeing every work day again (at least in person - virtually, we'll be online later this morning). I feel like everything is changing so quickly, and also standing still. I have felt some moments of random panic, even though, to be honest, there's nothing to panic about - yet. We're taking precautions. We're trying to be safe and responsible. But unless everyone else does the same, our efforts could be for naught.

Stop Trying to Save Daylight

I don't know why exactly, but the time change hit me harder this year than it had in the past. Perhaps it was because I forgot to set my alarm clock ahead and ended up winning up at 4:30 am on Sunday. Perhaps I'm just getting older. Or perhaps I've been cursed by a witch.

At any rate, it's been three days and I have managed to feel worse each day. Possibly because my body thinks I'm getting up at 3:30 in the morning to work out at 4 (because getting up at 4:30 to work out at 5 is so much more natural??). Or possibly I'm having a tummy issues flare up. Or it could be that my period is due soon and I'm PMSing on top of the time change madness.

I voted in my local elections last night, and if I could have voted time changes away, I would have. Unfortunately, that wasn't on the ballot. Maybe next year...

Unexpected Delay

Over the weekend, I volunteered to do trail work with the Idaho Trails Association. That work was fun, and I had a great time. But this post is not about that.

There was an accident on Idaho 21 on Sunday afternoon between Boise and Idaho City.

That's the only paved road that goes from Idaho City to Boise. And it's a crowded road on a summer Sunday afternoon with folks recreating along the Middle Fork of the Boise River and myriad other places. All that traffic got bottled up, and I was in that mess.

I left Idaho City by 4 pm, and I should have been home around 5. Instead, I saw a fire truck stopping traffic around a historical marker on the side of the road. The man who went with it told me that the road would be closed for 4, maybe 5 hours and I could wait or I could try to go around. I asked how to get to Boise and he said I could take Robie Creek Road to Rocky Canyon Road, or backtrack to Idaho City and go around the long way to Horseshoe Bend and then Boise.

I wasn't confident in taking Robie Creek, so I parked instead of turning around. I also parked because I knew another woman from the trail crew was close behind me and I wanted to touch base with her before moving on. After hanging out for a while, we decided to try Robie Creek.

I'd never been on that road before, and I knew that it should get me back to Boise, but my gazette showed me that it would do so by way of Shaw Mountain Road, which I know is not a road I would ordinarily want to take my Ford Focus on. But we took it up on the Magruder Corridor, so I supposed that I could make it work. And there were a lot of people going that way...

We drove by a couple of parks, and then went off pavement, following a dusty line of traffic. the car in front of me tended to drive in the middle of the road, which freaked me out a bit because there was traffic coming the other way.

As it turned out, too much traffic.

It took a while for the truth to come out. First we heard there was a dead end. A professional looking cyclist rode by and I asked him if he knew where he was an if the road went to Boise. He said that it did. So we drove on.

And then I heard that a truck went off a cliff up ahead and everyone was turning around.

But we went on.

Until we heard that two trucks with trailers had tried to pass each other and ended up jack-knifing, thereby completely blocking the road. Then it was time to turn around while we still could.

I spun out a few times trying to get my car to move forward up the incline on the gravel, but I managed not to roll backwards into my friend's car - just barely. And as we drove back towards 21, there was a bit more stopping for reasons unknown. During one of the stops I got out and asked my friend to stop with me at the park instead of going back to 21.

I executed an erratic tactical maneuver to get to an open parking spot, and we went to the park to use the restrooms and get in the water. Because we weren't getting over to Boise any time soon, so why sit in a car when there was a gorgeous park?

And, after what felt like too long of a wait, but wasn't as long as it could have been, we heard someone yelling that the Robie Creek road was clear. We walked over towards the cars, and by the time we got there, someone else said that 21 was open.

I got home by 7:30.

So many times, I've taken 21 home after spending time out in the wilderness or the forest. And I've taken it for granted that it would be open and allow me to go through. I had no cell service out there. No way to tell my husband that it wasn't me in the accident. And then, one day, someone drives across the center line and traffic gets stopped for hours.

And two people died.

So I'll complain about the delay, but I am so grateful to have made it home safely.

Burn the Bras?

I'm not sure exactly why, but I've been growing more and more frustrated with bras. I had a bunch that I got from a clearance sale at a department store, and they worked alright but were no longer fitting (and wearing out). So I got some more at an outlet store. And they fit fine in the store, but less fine after being worn for two to four hours.

At this point in my life, if it weren't for work, where I feel that wearing a bra is part of a professional outfit, and working out, where I need some compression to keep from bouncing too much, I probably wouldn't wear bras at all. I don't like how they feel - not the support, which is fine, but the straps on the shoulders and the band in the back, the foundation of the support.

I wear a sports bra for backpacking because without one I get too sweaty. But none of them are very comfortable, and I've had to work hard to find one that works. Unfortunately, the ones that I've been using, some front zip triathlon bras, are all worn out. Not only are the seams coming apart but the zippers are no longer locking in place. So now the hunt is on for a new backpacking bra, and the most important thing in a backpacking bra, for me, is the ability to dry quickly. Somehow, that never gets included on reviews.

Backpacking is the one time that I want to be wearing a bra all the time, because if I don't, then my piercings will get irritated by being pulled around against my shirt. So it needs to be the most comfortable of bras, and it has to dry on my body at the end of the day so I can sleep in it.

For both backpacking and everyday, I'm interested in trying out some shelf bra tank tops. I swear I used to have some that worked pretty well, but they are long gone by now. I thought Costco might have some, but they did not. Instead, I bought a 2 pack of "bra-lettes" that are at least free from hooks, underwire and tags (amazing how many bras have itchy tags - are they not aware fabric can be printed on?).

The bralettes are working well enough that I might buy another 2 pack, but I really want to find those shelf bra tank tops, because the version in my mind has wide straps, like 2 inches. The one new bra I bought for backpacking has extra wide straps and when I put it on it hardly feels like I'm wearing anything. Perfect really, but that just makes me want to save it for backpacking and not "use it up" on every day wear. Because now that I like it, the manufacturer will surely discontinue it, which is why I dare not type its name.

I'm not opposed to bras in general, but I am heartily frustrated with them at the moment. Not enough to burn them, but enough that I'm actively looking for bra alternatives.

Plan of Action

I had a colonoscopy last week. They found that I have a healthy colon and etc... That news was a bit mixed for me, because that means I still have mystery pain. So, I have been meditating and focusing on not freaking out just because I don't know what's causing the pain. I have come up with an action plan to help keep myself from spiraling out of control with the what-if game.

First, focus on facts in evidence:
Focusing on facts in evidence means that feeling a pulse in my tummy is proof of nothing more than I'm thinner than I used to be. It means that I will rejoice at the certainty that I don't have colon cancer or ulcerative colitis or chronic appendicitis or Crohn's or anything else that a colonoscopy or upper endoscopy can detect. It means that I keep working out because I can - I know I can because I have been.

Second, stop searching for symptoms on the internet:
Stop searching for symptoms is pretty self explanatory. It is easy to find patterns; that's the way humans are programmed. But the likelihood of my having any of the various things that could be causes of abdominal pain is low, because most of those things are quite rare. So I will stop looking for trouble; if trouble finds me, then I'll deal with it.

Third, through with watching medical dramas until this is resolved:
Another thing that can cause freaking out is watching medical dramas, because everyone is sick and, of course, they are sick with rare and dramatic things. I don't need that kind of input in my brain right now.

Fourth, forbear with the medical system:
I need to have forbearance with the medical system. I need to be patient and let the doctors work through the possibilities in the way that makes sense to them. I need to trust that they will check for anything that might fit, and trust that they believe me.

Fifth, figure out ways to manage the pain:
While I wait, I will work on ways to manage my pain as best I can. I will let myself cry when I hurt or when I'm frustrated. I will get back to doing yoga. I have stopped my oral contraceptives, since I have been using them more for controlling when I bleed than actual pregnancy prevention - the hope is that going off the hormones might have a salutary effect.

I am going to harness the power of positive thinking and get through this. Nothing horrible is going to happen because the horrible things have already been ruled out.

As the great Arnold Schwarzenegger said in Kindergarten Cop, "It's naht a toomah."

And as the old man in Monty Python and the Holy Grail said, "I'm not dead yet."

The Pain

During the night on Monday night, I woke up in pain. It's become common for my stomach to hurt, so if I have stomach pain, then I'll usually just go right back to sleep. This was not stomach pain.

The pain was in my mid to low back, and it burned. I couldn't get comfortable. Every position was uncomfortable, though some were worse than others. Because it was a back issue, I didn't go to my 5 am workout, but because I was in such pain, I also didn't take that opportunity to go back to sleep. Instead, I took Aleve and Alka Seltzer and waited for the pain to subside.

When it didn't, I called in sick to work and tried to find a comfortable position to wait it out.

Nothing that I tried seemed to help the pain go away. An ice pack on my back felt good, but I was still hurting. Eventually, I dozed off on the couch, sitting with my body curled around a pillow. Then I moved to the bed for more dozing.

And at some point, the pain just went away from my back and seemed to migrate to my lower right abdomen. Though that could have been just because the back was no longer hurting that I could feel that the tummy was STILL hurting.

I haven't been running a fever, and there aren't any other "red flag" type symptoms, so at this point I'm just going to hope that it doesn't happen again. It could have been muscular, since I did have a back "ow" moment during Sunday's workout, but I worked out Monday morning without a problem and had a massage Monday evening. Plus, if it were muscular, then the Aleve should have been efficacious and it wasn't. So, I don't really think the issue is exercise.

I mean, I did take a rest day today, just in case, but that's not just because I was worried about aggravating a back injury. It's also because I'm exhausted and can't shake the feeling that something is wrong.

Sick?!?

I haven't been sick like this in a while. I've got that awful rattling cough and I'm exhausted and all I want is to feel normal again. I mean, on the bright side, I'm not thinking about getting used to the Prozac anymore, because the crud has taken all of my attention.

So that's something.

But the big thing is I haven't been working on my writing. I still need to finish the write up for my latest ICT segment, and I'm needing to do final proofing on the Olympic Coast book.

However! I did get my other ICT book out and published. Yay! That's three books published so far in 2018, and I'm actually going to try for three more before the end of the year, which seems kind of nuts, but it will just take some focused concentration.

And not being sick anymore would be very helpful, please, thank you.

IBS Alternatives

At my annual wellness exam, my provider suggested that I might consider trying low dose anti-depressants to treat my irritable bowel syndrome issues. She said that using about a quarter or less of what was considered a therapeutic dose for depression had been shown to help with IBS. I said I would do some research and get back to her.

I'm not entirely convinced that the issues I have are caused by IBS and not, say, chronic appendicitis or something else that is difficult to diagnose. Partly because no matter what I try, nothing seems to help.

I've done elimination diets to try to find triggers. Nothing. Sometimes, my stomach will just protest when I eat something for seemingly no reason. It could be a food that I've eaten before, the day before even, without issues, but suddenly it hurts me.

I workout a good amount. I try to keep my stress levels in check - and the exercise definitely helps there. I get 8 hours of sleep or more per night - except when my stomach pain keeps me up, or makes my sleep more restless than restful.

I'm going to try this solution. Supposedly there are similar neuro-transmitters in the gut as there are in the brain, so it makes sense to me that this might work. I haven't been able to find many studies backing this up, but I don't really trust that the studies would be good proof - of safety, sure, but not efficacy for my particular issues. So I'll try this out, and if it works, great. If it doesn't, then maybe my practitioner will be willing to consider that maybe what's been diagnosed as IBS isn't.