Booking Along

I have not been getting as much work done on the book as I wanted. I've instead chosen to take some time at the start of winter break to relax and recuperate. I'm mostly over being ill at this point, but Ambrose got the pretty bad cold that had been plaguing me. I really hope we don't pass it back and forth. 

And yet, bit by bit, the pieces are coming together. All the photo plates for the book are ready to place. I've got my data for the headers, and I just need to finish putting together the design. Then it's a final read through of Ambrose's comments and then putting all the pieces together. Oh, and the cover. 

Yeah, it's not getting published this calendar year, but it will definitely be published in January. I'll take that as a sign that I'm getting back on track. Ideally, next year's book will be finished in time to be Christmas gifts again. I just need to stay healthy and make sure I start focusing on my writing early. 

My Year in Weight Loss

On December 16, 2021, my husband and I began calorie counting for weight loss. He had been losing weight without it to that point, but to get to the next level of his weight loss journey, more was required. I didn't necessarily need to lose weight, but I wanted to see if I could. And I wanted to see what my body might be like if I lost ten pounds. 

I've never been able to lose weight on any diet I've tried throughout the years. At 5 foot 4, I was around 150 pounds throughout high school and only ever got as low as 145 in college. With very little muscle mass, because my main hobbies were reading books, playing the flute and watching TV (sports were a thing to be avoided at all costs). In the years following college, I stopped weighing myself, but I continued to be sedentary and ate a typical American diet consisting largely of fast food. 

When I first started to run, in my late 20's, I did lose some weight. But that only lasted when I was running 6 days out of 7 most weeks. Once I got a new job, the running schedule changed and I started trying other forms of exercise at the gym I got access to via that job. My weight, once I started measuring it again, was once again fluctuating between 145 and 155. CrossFit likewise didn't have much impact on my weight - except the year that I was training for a Spartan Race - I bulked up to 160, but I didn't care because I kicked that Spartan Race's butt. 

I did get down close to 140 during a CrossFit nutrition challenge, but I don't really count that, because it was a month of low carb and the weight just came back. So, I didn't really expect calorie counting to work for me. I had a deeply ingrained belief that my body just didn't want to lose weight so it didn't. 

We used the internet to find sources that would estimate our calorie expenditure based on activity level, and each picked a target daily calorie total. I ended up with 1500 calories per day, which I expanded to 1800 to 2000 if I did CrossFit or ran. I got Ambrose signed up to take a resting metabolic rate test to determine scientifically how many calories he should be eating each day to go into a deficit for weight loss. He found the experience so enlightening that he insisted that I sign up as well. My results lined up well with the totals I'd chosen, so I stuck with that, but added more protein into my CrossFit routine on the advice of the test administrator. 

At first, there wasn't a lot of movement on the scale. I even gained weight, though I've learned over the years that I tend to gain about 5 pounds while I'm on my period, which then goes away with as little effort as it came. But slowly, slowly, the numbers trended down. I hit 145, and I kept expecting a plateau. Although there were runs of higher weights on occasion, again and again, the lows kept getting lower. And the highs kept getting lower! 

On December 16, 2021, I weighed in at 149.4 pounds. 

On December 16, 2022, I weighed in at 133.6 pounds. 

I lost 15.8 pounds in a year, and I'm ecstatic. It was slow, but I feel like that just makes it more likely that it will stay off. I'm not done yet. I'm curious where I'll end up staying with this calorie regime (definitely not planning on lowering it no matter what). I'm kind of looking forward to trying to add muscle at some point, regaining a bit of weight for more strength. 

My diet is now largely defined by trying to accommodate my IBS, but I think the exclusions I ended up making over the course of the year helped me with this weight loss. I tried to eat foods with pronounceable ingredients and to avoid "natural flavoring" in ingredients lists. Part way through the year, I stopped eating yeast, which meant no more bread (no more toast!). And then I stopped eating yogurt, because it can have yeast. I miss both bread and yogurt, but the yeast exclusion makes me feel better. 

In addition, Ambrose and I stopped eating fast food and drastically reduced our consumption of any restaurant food. We no longer drink alcohol, another big calorie source. We did have cheat days, here and there, and we also ate much more while backpacking. Pretty much all rules were off for backpacking, and the first full meal after the trip. That means an at home, eat as much as you want meal, not a snack in the car on the drive home (nor a restaurant, because we avoid those largely due to sodium concerns). 

I'm amazed that this worked. That I fit in a size 4 dress in September. It gives me confidence that I can get my first bar muscle up at the age of 40. Yesterday, I hung from a bar by my hands for 2 minutes, unbroken, and then did 2 sets of 4 pullups. CrossFit and running both played a role in my weight loss as well. I'll admit, I was also sometimes motivated to work out because I wanted to be able to eat more. I don't know that calorie counting would have worked at any other point in my life. This was the right time for me, and I'm so glad I tried. 

Book Progress

Ambrose is working his way through a second read of my draft. On the first read through, he focused on the low hanging fruit. Things that didn't make sense, misspellings, or wrong words. I expected some wrong words, because I typed some of the draft on my phone. I've gotten pretty proficient at swipe-typing on the phone, but I do miss the occasional incorrect word. 

For the second read through, he's trying to look at the flow of the narrative, trying to make sure that everything makes sense and flows from one story to another. I like that he's taking that approach, and I think it will enhance the final product quite nicely. 

While he's been working his way through that, I've been working my way through boxes of cold medicine and tissues. I got sick hard last week and I'm still fighting my way out of it. Probably not flu or Covid, but whatever it was, it was rough. And it was something that Ambrose apparently already had antibodies for, because he barely got ill. 

Despite that, I'm over halfway through my picture plates. I need to get my distances and elevations for the chapter headers, and then the drawings of both route and elevation. Then the cover and I'm almost done. It's going to be a close thing, whether I publish the book in 2022 or 2023, but it will get done - as long as I can keep healthy through the end of the year! Fingers crossed! 

Ukulele

My dad started playing the ukulele in the last year or so. He's been finding it fun, having played guitar himself since he was a teen. He showed me the uke when my husband and I visited in September, and I thought it was a great little instrument. 

He sent me one for a belated birthday present, and I've been having great fun with it since. Well, not right away. I was a bit intimidated by it at first. Silly, perhaps, since it is not that intimidating to look at. But after working on guitar for a while without much progress, I wondered if I would be able to do anything with the new instrument. 

I was able to tune it up by myself, but I didn't really get into trying anything fun with it until after my dad and I got together over Zoom. During that, he showed me some songs and chords and it started to click. Afterwards, I looked up some other songs that I knew better and I'm not doing too badly. 

I think it's because the uke is so small. I can more easily move my fingers along the fretboard, and even strumming feels easier. I'm hoping that I can work on the uke a bit, and then be able to apply what I'm learning there over to the guitar. Though I know I need to practice chording and transitions if I ever want them to be fast and smooth. I'll keep up with both, but I am very excited to have this ukulele to play with. 

Book Work and Video Work

Well! Ambrose made it through the first draft, and left comments for me. I'm working my way through them. I finished selecting all the pictures that I plan to use in the book, and I'm working on creating the captioned plates that I use to properly insert my photos into the manuscript for uploading. I've made a few adjustments to pictures that I selected, but that's to be expected - especially if I realize when reviewing Ambrose's comments that I didn't include a picture that would be illustrative of a point in the book. 

For example, I realized when I finished captions for the first day's hike that I hadn't included any pictures of our tent site at Warm Springs Bar, where we used the Z-packs Triplex as a car camping tent. We haven't often used backpacking tents as car camping tents, but on this trip it was quite nice. We didn't have as much gear inside as we normally would while backpacking, so the Triplex actually felt spacious. 

I decided to rectify that omission, but when I went looking through my other photos, I realized that I hadn't even taken a picture of the tent at that site. Oops! Well, I do have one that I'm going to try and use. It has Ambrose in it as the main feature though, the tent is kind of in the background. The photo might be too blurry to include, but I have to make some allowance for morning pictures, because it's very difficult to get my camera to take very clear images in low light. I don't like using flash in low light because it tends to highlight just the foreground - plus flash is a battery suck. 

Anywho, the book is progressing with more speed now. One full day's worth of photo plates complete (out of six total), draft review in progress, headers and cover still to be started. But I feel good about the momentum. If I can just get my guts to calm down a bit and give me some peace, then I'm confident I'll get this book knocked out before the end of the year. If not, well, it will be done when it's done. 

And, I could have put more time in it, but I'm also starting to work on making videos. There's definitely a learning curve. For now, I'm going to try and put out one video a month to start. During the next backpacking season, I'll be doing a lot of recording on the GoPro, so I might be able to do spates of more frequent posting with the additional content that will provide. 

First Draft Done!

I finished up the first draft of this year's book. It came in just under 35,000 words, which is longer than I expected. I'm glad it wasn't even longer than that, but its length may well fluctuate after I go through Ambrose's comments. 

I'm not resting on my laurels though; I took one day off and then got right to work choosing the pictures. I'm hoping to spend a good amount of time tomorrow doing picture related tasks. I'll choose the photos to include, then create the pages for the book. I also need to create the headers for each chapter. 

I changed my headers for the last few books, and I think this new way is much better. It's more difficult for me to do, but I think it's worth the effort. It helps readers get a better idea of the distances and elevations that I'm hiking each day. 

This book definitely won't be ready in time for Christmas gifting, but I'm still holding out hope to get it published this calendar year. It doesn't make a huge difference if it is or isn't, but I want to finish this up so that I can move on to other projects. I need to get a handle on how to work with the GoPro over this winter, and start putting up more videos. I also want to port my blogs over to my website. I have plenty of things to do! 

Book Update

I am still writing the book. I didn't expect to still be writing at this point in the month. I thought I'd be finished closer to 20,000 words, since that's how much I've typically written for these books. 

But I find myself blazing past 30,000 with some more stories yet to tell. I don't know how long this book is going to end up being, but it will be my longest to date. 

I'm thinking about whether I should try and deliberately reduce the number of pictures I include for the sake of the overall length. The longer the books are, the more they cost to produce and the higher the minimum price I have to set is. I wish I could make the paper copies affordable, but I'd have to make them black and white to appreciably affect the price. I'm just not ready to do that. 

The book will be as long as it is, but once I finish the writing, I've got to get a move on the next steps while Ambrose does a read through. It isn't looking like I'll have the books out in time for Christmas presents, but I might be able to finish them before the new year. 

Depends on how many words I end up writing, I suppose. 

Aprendiendo

Many years ago, I spent a good amount of time working on my Spanish language skills with the Duolingo app. I got far enough on it that I was able to converse fairly well with my Spanish speaking grandmother the last time I was able to visit her. I even made a joke in Spanish about my dad being old. Very proud of myself for that one. 

I reached the end of the lessons, and I even took a language placement test and tested into Spanish 201, which I took in 2016. I didn't continue with university classes, because I didn't like the experience of the class. The instructor tried to take a hard line of not speaking English, but they caved quickly under the pressure of a silent classroom. I guess I also felt like I was done with taking classes for the time being. 

I had only taken the class because I ran out of Duolingo. What I didn't realize was that while I was ignoring it, they were adding more lessons. I came back to it earlier this year and realized that there were a whole lot more units than there used to be. I got to work. It would be great to be able to understand when my dad and his siblings broke into Spanish during our family Zooms. 

I found a rhythm for myself, moving forward to more interesting lessons, and cycling back to the easier lessons to level them up. Stories, which were a new feature to me, every now and then. 

And then they completely changed the interface! I could no longer navigate back and forth between easier and harder lessons, oh no. I'm on a single path, and I have to follow it. I'm not super fond of this change. I liked being able to change topics if my brain was just refusing to get a grammar concept. Or if I wanted to rack up quick XP and rise on the leaderboard. 

I'm determined to keep going on it. There are now far more units than I think I could possibly finish, but I've wanted to learn Spanish for a very long time. Some things are starting to click in my brain, and I'm hoping that will continue. I have a 75 day streak as of today, and I'm happy to keep learning. 

Book Progress

Well, I had another couple of zero days. I was ill, and I chose to let my brain rest rather than force it to write when I was not at all ready to do so. And then I had a migraine, and I chose to sleep for 12 hours rather than make sure the writing was done. 

However, despite those setbacks, I feel good about where I am in the writing. It didn't get done before the end of October, but I'm making steady progress. This book may be more wordy than past efforts. I'm alright with that, though I know it will make the end product more expensive. I want to tell an engaging story, and that means including discursions that add depth to the story of my experience. 

And I might ask Ambrose to be a bit harsh with the editing pen. I'm not sure if he'll be able to execute that. Sometimes I think he likes my darlings even more than I do. 

I'm over 18,000 words in so far, and I haven't even gotten to my second night solo. That was a tough night, not because I was alone, but because I had been wet and cold. Plus, it was a dry camp, which means I wouldn't be drinking my fill until morning. But enough spoilers. 

Just like on that hike, I need to focus on forward motion with this book. Get the words written, select the pictures, work the pictures, create the manuscript, upload, and publish. 

Omelets and Other Breakfasts

It's been a while since I've last posted an omelet picture, and what better time than when I've got a rip-roaring headache? 

This omelet was an experiment requested by my husband. He wanted me to have chicken sausage in the body of the omelet as well as inside. I wasn't sure that it would work, but I gave it a try, slicing the sausage super fine so that it would blend well with the eggs. I like how it turned out. 

The sausage visible on top is incorporated with the eggs.

Of course, I presented it with a bit more style with smears of queso and decorative sausage slices. 

The other breakfast that I'll mention is one I did not get a picture of, though I really should have. Another special request, for cream cheese and thinly sliced pickled jalapeno to be covered by 2 eggs over easy and a blanket of grits. I constructed this one by layers which could have been neat to document. Alas, you'll have to settle for my description and trust my report of Ambrose's rave reviews. 

Book Accountability

After I got my blogs wrapped up, I got right into writing for the book. I have been keeping up the 1000 words minimum per day for the most part. I did take last weekend off, not doing any writing on Saturday and Sunday when Ambrose and I were camping to celebrate my birthday. But except for that weekend, I've been hitting the words since October 2nd.

I almost write this more to remind myself than to tell anyone else. I've done my thousand words so far on days when I felt exhausted. Days when I've felt ill. Days when I've had no desire or inclination to hit the desk. 

And I've often found that once I start writing, I get excited. Not always a thousand words at a time excited, but spurts of three hundred to five hundred words are happening more and more frequently as I get into the swing of things. Yesterday, when I was writing about the first backpacking day, I referenced something I'd done the day before and realized I'd forgotten to write about that. On with a burst of writing! 

I truly love reliving my trip with the process of writing a book. I look at the pictures and remember the feeling of the sun and wind, the smells of forest and meadow, the thrill of finding cold water on a hot afternoon. . .

As of the end of the day Tuesday, I'm 9604 words into this year's book. Considering I've only just started writing about the backpacking portion of the trip, I'm thinking this might be a long one. I'll just have to write it and find out. 

Ambrose Ran a 5K!

Over the summer, as Ambrose got into his running more consistently in his new, lighter body, I suggested that he run a 5K. He placed well in races when he was a young man, running in local races in California when he was stationed at Mare Island in the Navy. I knew that he enjoyed running, and he is getting into the age group where one can place well just by showing up and finishing. 

I sent him links to a bunch of different races coming up in September and October, and he chose the SueB 10K/5K, which supports the Women and Children's Alliance and aims to bring attention to domestic violence. This race took place on October 2nd, and started at noon. Since the pre-race packet pickup locations and times didn't work for us, we planned to be there by about 11 to pick up the packet. 

I drove us over to Boise State, because I can use my parking pass at almost any lot on the weekends. From there, it was a short walk over to Julia Davis park, where the race was to start and finish. We were definitely early, but we managed to make our way to the packet pick up and get what we needed. 

Then we walked off a bit to find a bench to sit at while we waited for the race to start. I pinned Ambrose's bib on. He wanted it to be crooked, and it did end up pretty crooked with the first three pins, but the fourth pin was broken. Somehow, when I repositioned one of the pins so that he'd have two on top and one on bottom, it ended up significantly less crooked. In my experience, the bib number is how you find pictures of yourself afterwards, so that's why I wanted it to be straight-ish.

There was a children's race around the rose garden at about 11:30. We watched that and cheered the kids on. I practiced my cowbell technique. Then we milled and listened as the urban route runners were sent off. We noticed that one runner went through the starting line with the urban runners, but then came back. Ambrose went up to him to tell him to get his time chip reset, and it's a good thing for that guy that Ambrose did. Otherwise, he would have had a personal worst time, most likely. 

And, finally, Ambrose lined up with the other 5 and 10 K runners. I took a few pictures of him waiting, and then they were off. I've never been the one waiting during a race before. I've only been a runner. And this is a pretty small race, so once the runners were all gone, it was very quiet. Very few people hanging around. 

I went to the bathroom, since I figured no one else would be using them at this particular moment (I was right). Then I found some tree roots to sit on near the start/finish line and did some writing on my phone while I waited. 

Once runners started to come in, I stood and put down the phone. I cheered along with several volunteers for every runner coming in. I got to see the first runners finish, and I waited for Ambrose to appear. 

He took a lot longer than I expected, and I figured he might have needed to find a place for a pit stop. His stomach had been giving him some indicators before the race, and he wasn't able to clear that up before the race began. I only started to worry a little bit before he did appear, around 55 minutes. Much slower than he'd wanted to run, but it was a finish. 

Ambrose took only a few moments to rest and recover after finishing. He wanted to get right home, and so we walked back across the park to Boise State and our vehicle. 

Now I'm trying to sell him on doing a Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving next. I figure we could both run in that one, just have fun with it. I believe, once Ambrose gets used to racing again, that he'll do quite well in his age group. And, heck, I'm moving up in age group this year. Now I just need to get a wee bit faster... 

The bib is pinned, and he's ready to go.

Gotta stretch.

Waiting is hard!

Time to line up.

Waiting for the start.

There he goes!

Information about Sue "SueB" Newby.

Here he comes!

Almost there!

Crossing the finish line!

Ambrose finished the race and the race finished him.

Progress Report

Well. I didn't exactly start October the way I wanted to. The first of the month was almost a total loss when it comes to writing. I got a bit done, but nowhere near 1000 words. 

The next day, October 2nd, Ambrose was signed up for a 5K race. That day was all about him. But I managed to get my hands onto the keyboard and get the thousand words written. And I've kept that streak up through Monday and Tuesday. But I'm still working on the blog entries; I haven't started the book yet. 

But I'm getting close. At this rate, I'll be finished with the last two blog entries that I want to get done by Friday - as long as I stick to the 1000 words a day. 

Though I do plan on doubling the word count requirements on weekends, now that I've gotten started. To be honest, I know I can do more than 5K in a day when I don't have to go to work. It all comes down to getting my butt in the writing chair. 

One thing that should help improve my word count is that I've set myself up to be able to write on my phone. I got quite a few of my words done on Sunday on my phone while I waited for Ambrose to finish running. It's not something that I've done extensively before, but I know that if I can get into a habit of writing on the phone in spare moments, those words will add up. 

Really, the next concern is going to be getting my notes typed up. I take notes on most backpacking trips, but most especially on the ones that I want to write a book on. In the past, my notes on my ICT trips have been a little less informative than I would prefer. Writing me finally asked hiking me to be a little more specific about how I feel and what I'm doing. I don't know yet if I succeeded, but I made an effort to consider the book more when I wrote notes this last trip. 

Plus, I wrote at every break this year. In the past, I'd write every other break so that I wouldn't be taking so much time on my breaks. But I was taking my time this year, and the extra writing helped me not to get too worked up over how long my breaks took. 

Back to the Word Mines

Last year, I wasn't as on the ball with my book writing as I wanted to be. I forgive myself for this, because I was still dealing with my mom's passing, and her memorial service was just last November. It threw off my game, and I let it. 

This year, I want to be getting the book out in time for Christmas. That means I have to really focus on the writing and get that done asap. I'm not planning on starting the writing of the book until I finish up the blog posts for the last trips of the summer, and so those are going to be what I'm hammering on to start. 

My hope is to finish the blogs before 10/1. That way I can start October and just write my little heart out. I know I can do 1000 words a day, even on days when I'm tired or feeling crappy or have a headache. I just need to focus and hold myself to that goal. 

To get the blogs finished, I'm going to be working up to 1000 words a day. That should give me some time to get into the habit of daily writing. 

Given the average length of my books, 1000 words a day in October will allow me to finish by the end of the month. Then I can work on the photos in early November and, with enough hard work, get the books published by the end of November. Mail-wise, that might mean late Christmas gifts, but that's only because I ship them to myself first for signing. 

While I'm doing that, I also want to try to move my blog over to my own website. I'm getting really tired of how awkward Blogger has made it to add photos. And sometimes they completely reverse the order of photos I uploaded which is a HUGE pain to fix now. It will be better for my "brand" if I am on my own website anyway. That is part of why we bought the website, after all. I just (sensing a theme here?) need to put in the work! 

I've started the work, with some good writing days to start this week. I just need to keep the momentum going and sit down to write every day. Writing isn't physically strenuous, and I know what I'm going to be writing. Just my trip, and it's actually quite wonderful to relive those journeys, especially when I don't have to deal with the actual footsoreness and I have access to running water and modern plumbing. 

Weight Update

Overall, I'm happy with where I'm at. 

I expected not to lose as much weight over the backpacking season, and possibly even gain some. Instead, I did keep losing, to an extent. I kept dipping into the 130's, even if I'd had a bump up to the 140's over a trip. I just needed to reassert my normal routines and in about a week, I'd be back under 140. 

Now, I just need to keep reminding myself of that, because my body is being all weird after the Chicago trip. I half expected to gain on that trip, because of the break in routine and unfamiliar foods. What happened was weirder. The day after we got back, Sunday, I weighed in at 136.6 pounds. Amazing! The next day, 140.6 - what?

I've also been very tired so it's hard to get back onto my routines. I ended up both going to CrossFit and running yesterday, and that led to me not going to CrossFit this morning, because I woke up so sore and tired. But that's what it's like for me. I can go to CrossFit every day, but it hurts until I get back into the routine of it. 

I'll still ride my bike to work today for exercise, and probably stop by the pull up bars that can be on my way. I am still getting pullups done at this weight, so that's pretty awesome. I'm not just losing weight, I'm building some muscle. And I carry my weight a lot differently than I used to. 

I am very pleased that I wore a well-fitted size 4 dress to my dad's wedding. I feel like I looked amazing in that dress, and I couldn't have fit in it if I were bigger. But it's not about being big or small right now. I want to be strong and fit more than I want to be small. 

Last Vacation

It seemed, back in March, that the summer would never come. 

And now, summer is over, and I'm currently on my last vacation of the year. And it's not even a backpacking trip, alas. 

I suppose visiting my family is almost as good ;)

Ambrose and I are already spending the vacation time that I'll be earning next year. He's hoping to take his sister on an outing at Big Creek. We are definitely going to the ocean again - a trip that's been deferred now for 3 years. And, of course, I'll be doing more on the Idaho Centennial Trail. 

When I started the ICT, I was hoping to finish before I turned 40, and I tried to keep my mileage high to do that. Turns out, high mileage doesn't work for me, not the way I was doing it anyway. So, I'm just going to keep biting little chunks, and I bet I'll finish my section hike before I turn 50. 

Close Calls

The day I returned to work after my big backpacking trip in the Selway-Bitterroot Wilderness, I rode my bike. This isn't unusual. I live close enough to work that I try to ride most days that I go in, making exceptions if I'm feeling ill or if I have to bring something bigger than I can handle on the bike. Or if it's very cold or very hot. 

I bike along roads for the most part. There's a section of the Greenbelt I can take, but it makes my route longer so I don't always go that way. On this particular day, I was sticking to the road. There's really only one place on my route that scares me, where I have to travel through a stoplight controlled intersection at Beacon and Broadway. 

The trouble with that intersection is the oncoming left turners. The light is one that does the flashing yellow for left turns, and what can happen is the flashing yellow comes on and the first car in the oncoming left decides they have just enough room to make it before I cross into the intersection. That car isn't really the problem, the problem is that the car behind that car literally can't see me. 

I'm always afraid when that first left turner goes in front of me that the next car in line will just assume that it's clear and not look. I keep an eye out for that possibility. 

And thus it was on this particular Monday morning. The light turned green while I was still a ways away. The flashing yellow initiated when I was still about half a block away, pedaling like mad. The first left turner hesitated, but then went on through. 

I entered the intersection right after that first car left it, and the next left turner was my worst nightmare. They didn't slow down at all as I kept pedaling. I looked at the driver and saw that they were unaware of me. 

If I had had time to think it through, maybe I would have tried to get out of the way somehow, or yelled something pithy, articulate and scathing. 

Instead, as the car came within feet of running me right over, I let out a yell. No words, not really a scream, but a loud exclamation, intended to inform the driver that they were about to hit me. 

Whether the driver heard me, I don't know. I had to keep pedaling and only had time to exchange an aghast glance with the next left turner in line, who appeared to empathize with my plight and condemn the other driver's carelessness. Then I pedaled myself directly onto the sidewalk so I could stop and have a bit of hysterics. 

I had some heavy breathing, a few tears, and then pulled myself together and continued on to work. I really wanted to tell someone about it, but the office was empty when I arrived and I didn't end up telling anyone except my husband, first over chat, and, finally, in person after work. With gestures! 

Interestingly enough, that wasn't my only car/bike encounter that week. On Friday, I was taking the Greenbelt home. After I turned off the Greenbelt onto a street, I witnessed a truck completely ignore the stop sign, coming close to running into me - though it wasn't quite as close as Monday's. 

But I got to say my piece this time, letting the driver know how beautiful I thought her running of the stop sign was. She stopped her truck just to give me a special message. "F- you," she said. 

I might have said nothing. I might have taken offense. I might have felt hurt by her being so mean when I was pointing out something she'd clearly done wrong. 

Instead, I just went with the first response that came into my head. "Oh great! I love being f'd!" I yelled. 

Because her truck was stopped, I passed it. After I gave her my words, I heard her truck rev behind me and had a moment to wonder if she'd really escalate this to bodily harm. I rode my bike right up behind a parked car, figuring she wouldn't risk running into someone else's car just because of an annoying cyclist. She roared off. 

I made it home safely. Here's hoping that I've finished all my car/bike interactions for the rest of the year. 

Where Did Summer Go??

I can't believe it's the last day of August! What happened to the summer? 

There were so many trips I was looking forward to this summer, and now they're pretty much done. 

I mean, yes, we'll be going out to another trip over Labor Day weekend. And we might even make it up to Big Creek for some camping later in September. If the roads stay clear long enough. There's always a chance that Profile Gap will get snowed up early. 

But, essentially, the season is over. 

I might have to move somewhere where I can have a longer backpacking season... 

Or it might be time to start living in a van and driving to where the hikes are. 

I don't think that's really something I want to do. The idea is tempting, but I just don't know how I'd be able to make enough money to sustain an itinerant lifestyle. 

Maybe someday. 

I'm excited for next season's trips. But I wish the season didn't have to end. 

Bits and Pieces

There's going to be a preseason hockey game in Boise for the first time in many years. There was supposed to be one a few years ago, but that was the 2014-2015 season, aka the lockout shortened season. That game never got played. But I thought, just maybe, we could get tickets and go see NHL players, even if the big names probably wouldn't take the ice. 

However, I was not the only person in Boise with this idea. Tickets sold out so fast, I never even got past the waiting room before they were gone. I guess I'll just have to travel if I want to see an NHL game. Maybe someday I'll get to see one of Boise's "local" teams (at least according to regional sports networks), like Seattle, Colorado or Las Vegas. 

I've been playing the game Dead Cells a lot lately. It's a roguelike game, which means that if you die, you start all over. The game doesn't take that long to complete, even with my style of "must kill everything" which takes longer. It's got an interesting, new-to-me, system of difficulty. Essentially, you can't really finish the game until you play it on the hardest (of 6) levels. 

For a while, I thought I wouldn't ever make it past the 3rd level (called 2 boss stem cell), but then I did. And then I wanted to complete a puzzle that required taking a specific route through the game and finding hidden areas in specific dungeons. I got through that, and now I'm thinking, well, maybe I can beat the final boss with 3 boss stem cells activated. 

But the last time I tried, on what was otherwise a very good run, I just couldn't get the final boss. Yeah, I'll probably keep playing the game until it leaves Xbox Game Pass. 

When this blog goes live, I'll be out in the wilderness. If the trip goes to plan, I should be at the Moose Creek Air Strip, or getting real close. As I write this, I'm so looking forward to being out there. I've got a headache from letting things at work stress me out a bit too much. I need to do some hiring and there's an awful project I'm involved in because I'm the only one with the expertise to get it done. Or that's how it feels. 

Being out in the woods should let me re-center myself. To remember that nothing at my work is actually life and death. To remember that I am not my work. 

Old Goals

I spent a lot of my teenage years wishing I could just be happy. All the time, I felt sadness and frustration and despair. I didn't have friends who lived near me. I didn't have many close friends at all. That has remained a constant in my life, but I have learned how to be happy at least. 

Not all the time, of course. That would be silly. Happiness would lose its meaning if it were a constant state. But I can choose to look at the world through a positive lens now. I can choose to find something to be happy about. I can reject the sadness that used to overwhelm me at times. 

My husband mentioned the other day that he hasn't met anyone else who self analyzes quite as much as I do. I like to look at myself and my actions and try to figure out why I did what I did. Sometimes that's a negative thing to do; it can lead to a spiral of guilt and self-recrimination. But I've learned over the years how to calm that critical inner voice. 

The voice isn't gone, but it's a lot quieter than it used to be. It used to be a much larger monster, one that spoke whether I wanted it to or not. Over the years, I've worked on slaying that monster, taking away its energy source, not feeding it. Many repetitions of the mantra, "I do not like the way this makes me feel," helped me to reduce the monster's food source. And the thought that if I were to hear someone talk to a friend of mine the way I was speaking to myself, I would be angry as hell at that person. Why should I treat myself in a way I wouldn't let anyone treat my friends? 

In my niece, I see similarities to myself at that age. We are, outwardly, very different. She is tall, while I am short. I love to read, while she is dyslexic. She's more outgoing than I am, in some ways more confident, especially in the city and with technology. But I think there are aspects of her inner life that remind me of myself at that age. 

I wish I could give her a shortcut. A faster way to get from the wreckage of the teen years to the happiness that I've found. But I know it's hard to see through that fog. And if you want to get out, you need to see that there's an out to get. To see that there are possibilities waiting for you in the future. Possible futures that include things you could never imagine. 

Like being happy. 

Perchance to Sleep

I didn't get any writing done last weekend. I meant to. I even brought my computer out into the woods. But the hike up to Grouse Butte took a lot more out of me than I expected. By the time I got back to the trailhead, I was ready for a nap. 

I didn't take a nap, though maybe I should have. I'm not very good at napping. Especially when I have only a small amount of time in which to sleep. I find that I can't relax enough to fall asleep, because I'm too worried about waking back up on time. That's why I can never nap during my lunch hour at work. 

Sometimes, I'll lie down quietly and try to nap during the lunch hour, on days when I'm particularly tired, but even if I set an alarm, I get paranoid. I just can't relax into sleep. Very unlike my husband, who can drop off at a moment's notice and feel refreshed after a nap as short as a minute. But he was in the military, so I suppose that's something he learned there - get sleep when you can. 

I've gone through different phases in my life when it comes to sleeping. Times when I needed to have some light on, and times when I needed absolute darkness. Sometimes, music that is barely audible, others, a movie (also barely audible), other times silence. Though even wearing ear plugs isn't getting me anywhere near silence lately. And not because of my husband's snoring! No, these days, I sleep to the sound of fans, air conditioning and the dishwasher running. 

Actually, the dishwasher is pretty good at putting me to sleep. I don't know what I'll do if I ever get one of those new, efficient, quiet models. Maybe I can play a recording on YouTube of a noisy dishwasher. 

My brain likes to come up with new tricks to keep me awake despite my best efforts. Spinning on thoughts that I can always think about the next day. Focusing on aches and pains. Considering whether my bladder should be emptied again for so long that it actually does need to be emptied again... 

I don't always have a good way to get around those tricks and fall asleep. There's a book that I like, Quarantine by Greg Egan, that has an interesting bit about sleep. The book takes place in a future where neural implants are commonplace, and owned by the main character. There is a neural implant called Boss, and it allows one to literally choose to sleep with the "press" of a "button" in your head. But that doesn't cure insomnia. You still have to choose it. 

I wonder, if I had the ability to choose to sleep like flipping a switch, would I use it? Or would I wallow in my spinning thoughts, putting off the choice? I'd like to think I'd choose it. Nights when all I want is to fall asleep, but my mind won't quiet, I'd definitely use it. 

At least, I think I would.

Menstrual Torture

The latest period of mine is one of the more intense and unpleasant ones that I can remember having. Of course, the body does tend to forget pain. The memory of pain gets blurred edges, which is a boon I suppose or no one would go through childbirth more than once on purpose. But I don't usually have to walk around half bent over with the pain. 

I don't usually start leaking tears during working hours because the pain is so intense, even with a heating pad firmly tucked on my lap. 

I'm not usually quite so vocal about how much it hurts. 

I don't usually have trouble falling asleep because when I lie down the pain decides that position is just the worst like I did last Monday night. 

So I think it's fair to say that this is one of the worse periods I've had. I mean, I do take notes on my periods as well, and they aren't ALL "worst period ever!" - most of them just note that the period began. Not because I don't have painful cramps or other issues, but because they don't cross my personal threshold of bad pain. 

Sure, it's "just" cramps. And I can "deal" with it. 

But I really wish I didn't have to. That no one had to deal with this kind of pain. Though it might be helpful if men could. . .

Yeast Experiments

I've discovered that for my particular eating issues, eliminating the yeast in bread appears to be the most important part. Soy sauce has also been a culprit, but not hard cheese or grapes. I have been eating cheeses in my backpacking food without issue, and I ate some grapes when I took my niece camping. Neither of those affected me like eating some meatloaf with breadcrumbs did. 

I avoided eating the dinner roll that came with that meal, but the main course was meatloaf. And I knew that meatloaf would have breadcrumbs and that those breadcrumbs would be leavened with yeast. I ate it as a test, and the answer came back: nope. My body doesn't want to deal with yeast. 

The real question is why this was never brought up as a possibility. An uncommon food sensitivity, for sure, but when I continually expressed that I was not doing well, why would my doctors not suggest something less common? I've been considering what to tell my GP when I go in for an annual exam in the fall. Part of me wants to say nothing to her, just go and do the minimum, no complaints. I've been managing my symptoms without the use of laxatives for months - now that I have stopped eating yeast! 

It just feels so absurd that with all the foods they told me to avoid, they never brought this one up. 

But I'm figuring it out, and I'm doing better. I'm eating more foods than I was before, and I don't actually miss bread as much as I thought I would. I'm eating fruits and vegetables again, which makes me feel better overall. I really like fruits and, sure, even some veggies. I'm hoping that I'll be able to eat beans again - that experiment will definitely be coming soon! 

The Monster Expects Perfection

My brain likes to chew on things. I often find myself going over and over something that I said or did. Something that I'm not sure, on reflection, was done correctly or well or with the proper emotion. I can shut the chewing down for a while, but there's a tendency for my mind to sink back into those thought patterns, rehashing the past over and over again until I've convinced myself that I took the worst of all possible paths in my interaction. 

That's a monster. 

A voice popping up and criticizing my actions of the past. Nagging me to be better, to be more, to be perfect. An expectant weight of emotion. Inflicting suffering on myself mentally, but to what purpose? Is it like picking at a scab, only in my mind instead of on my skin? 

I don't think I'm the only person to do this, but it's not something that gets talked about a lot. 

My monster is an isolationist. It doesn't occur to the monster to push any of these feelings out and inflict punishment onto other people. Maybe that's a function of it being my monster. A function of who I am as a person. I'm not one to lash out, not very often. I more often lash in, punishing myself for perceived faults. 

I punish myself when I'm angry. I've read the phrase that anger turned inwards is depression, but I'm not sure if I quite agree with it anymore. I'm not depressed, and I doubt that I ever medically have been. I've just had lots of emotions, BIG emotions to deal with. And, over the years, I've dealt with these big feelings in various ways, some better than others. 

Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I had been better as a child at suppressing my emotions. Would I have been better off? I would have been yelled at less, because I would have cried less... But I wouldn't have learned how to process those big feelings by avoiding them. I mean, I'm no expert at processing them now, but I have strategies. 

Like, I know that I get irritable when I'm hungry. I fully embrace the term hangry, because I've felt it in my bones when backpacking. Knowing that, I can acknowledge that the emotion is coming from a physical need, and isn't a response to the situation that I'm currently in, or the person I'm currently with. Same thing if I'm frustrated or upset; I try to recognize what the cause is instead of either punishing myself or, on occasion, lashing out. 

It takes time to develop that sense of recognition. Time and self awareness. I've been trying to more fully develop my self awareness as I've dealt with the IBS diagnosis. After all, if a physical need can turn into an emotional state (hunger leading to hangriness), then surely an emotional need can turn into a physical state. Our bodies and minds are intertwined. So by being more aware of my emotions and what I'm doing with them, I might be able to reduce the impact of my emotions on my body. 

Big Creek and Werdenhoff Mine Photos

Over the 4th of July weekend, my husband and I spent time at Big Creek. Last week I provided a write up; this week is all about the pictures. 

The Big Creek Lodge is home to more than just guests.

This bird had at least three little ones to feed in there.

Some of the hummingbirds fought, but I didn't get a good shot of that.

There's some baby birds!

Old equipment up at Werdenhoff Mine.

We only looked at the building from the outside.

But a missing wall panel gave me a glimpse of the inside.

And here, from the rear.

The original rock-smashing machine!

View from the mine down to a cabin that seems to be getting some upkeep.

Ambrose making his way down from the mine.

Just one big log was blocking the Smith Creek Cutoff Trail, close to the mine. 

Lots of bear grass growing this year!

I'm not 100% sure what flower this is, but I like it.

Ambrose found some bear sign - the rock got flipped to see if there were tasty grubs to eat underneath.

Ambrose going down one of the cutoff trail's switchbacks.

This dilapidated cabin is next to the cutoff trail.

An animal on the road - we didn't run over it.

We also managed to miss this deer :) 

Chill Long Weekend

My husband and I decided to spend the 4th of July weekend at Big Creek. Not to go backpacking as we usually do, but just to hang out. Spending the night over 5000 feet elevation is a good way to get acclimated to hiking in higher altitudes, so we would be getting some "work" done, but the overall goal was to relax. 

The prior weekend, I'd taken my niece out camping and backpacking. That was a super fun trip, but it was also very tiring for me. Not only was I leading a trip (which I've done before), I was also shepherding someone who had never done anything quite like this before. Even though she's camped before, the campsites she's been at are not like the remote ones that I took her to in Idaho. 

And so I was ready for a break. A time when I didn't have to take on all the responsibilities for making sure camp was running smoothly. A time when I didn't need to drive OR cook! 

I was still in charge of setting up the tent, but it's different when I don't have to drive AND set up the tent. Though we didn't even do a tent on Friday night, when we stopped at the Trout Creek campground so we wouldn't have to finish the drive to Big Creek in the dark. I was in charge of spreading out the tarp and laying out the car camping sleeping pads for that stop. 

We had made reservations for one dinner at Big Creek, on Saturday night. I am so glad we only did one night for dinner, because dinners at the Big Creek Lodge are generous and I am simply not used to eating that much at once. We ended up saving a big chunk of food (I may have eaten more dinner than Ambrose...). The thought was that we'd eat it overnight, but the nights were only like 50 degrees. Nowhere near cold enough to need such a substantial midnight snack. We ended up eating our leftovers for dinner on Sunday, so that worked out. 

On Sunday morning, we drove out along Smith Creek Road to see if we could make it to the cutoff trail. Well, we wouldn't have been able to if two guests at the lodge hadn't come driving up in their side by side. They had a chainsaw! So when logs were across the road, they got that machine going and Ambrose and I helped move the logs once they were cut. It was kind of fun. I guess we really ought to invest in a chainsaw soon. 

Once we made it to the cutoff trail, Ambrose and I hiked up it to check out the Werdenhoff Mine. We've hiked up there before, but always with heavy packs, so we hadn't taken the time to look around before. It was pretty neat to see all that old machinery. The cutoff trail was in pretty good shape. I counted six downed trees, and only one was hard to get around. 

That took us the entire morning, and then we hung out for the afternoon, just relaxing as the weather threatened more rain. Monday morning, we got breakfast and drove home. All in all, a very relaxing weekend. Even the traffic on the way home wasn't bad, just a bit of a snag at Cascade where the main road was occupied by a parade. 

A Musical Interlude

I brought my niece to town for a visit to the woods and the mountains last week. I'll be writing more about that trip on the hiking blog. This one is about what happened on her last night in town. 

We got checked into a hotel for the night (my studio apartment being too small for guests), and had taken the elevator several times before reading the little events newsletter in it. Now, my niece had been schooling me in musicals on this trip. She shared Hamilton, 36 Questions and Heathers with me while I drove us to campsites and back. And she had also mentioned the musical Dear Evan Hansen a time or two (or ten). 

So when I saw that the Morrison Center's Broadway in Boise was performing Dear Evan Hansen, and that the last date was that very day, I pointed it out to her. 

Immediately she wanted to go, and I was a little less enthusiastic. I was hungry and a bit cranky, to be honest. But then she found a pair of tickets for $6 a piece online. So we walked down to Freak Alley, because she's into art and I wanted her to see it. Then, while we got dinner, I figured out how to get the $6 tickets. It was less than $20 after fees for both tickets, a great deal. 

What an incredible coincidence that this musical, which she hadn't had a chance to see when it was in Chicago, just happened to be playing on her last night in town. And we were able to get tickets to see it same day, at a rate that shocked her Chicago sensibilities. I might just be the best aunt ever. 

But she's also a candidate for best niece. I never would have gone to see that musical without her, and I ended up enjoying it very much. It was very emotionally moving, and I'm not ashamed to say I cried a lot. I'd read that the movie version wasn't very good, and, going in I let that color my perceptions. But once it started, I just let myself enjoy the production. The cast was excellent; almost as good as the company. 

A shot of the stage before the performance began.

Travel Craziness

Last week, I went on a business trip. It was my first business trip since the pandemic started, and I was a bit nervous at the start. I knew that I was going to wear my mask on the plane and in the airport and just as much as possible. Maybe the COVID risks aren't that high, but "conference crud" has been a thing since before the pandemic, and I had things to do this week that I wanted to be well for. 

The travel started off well enough. The flight from Boise to Salt Lake was short and uneventful. The next flight to the destination was delayed, but not too long. It actually made the layover better, because there was time to get food without worrying about missing the connection. Again, an uneventful flight, though quite a bit longer all the way through to Nashville. 

Easy enough to check in to the hotel, and I then walked over to a nearby Whole Foods to get some snacks and a dinner. I could have gone to a restaurant for dinner, but it's a lot harder to know exactly what ingredients are in foods at a restaurant. It's just easier to buy a frozen meal. Plus, I got a popsicle for the walk back to the hotel, which was a fabulous idea if I do say so myself. 

The conference itself was good, and I learned a bunch. Departure was early Saturday morning, and it taught me something else entirely. 

See, the flight left at 5:25 am Saturday morning. Two hours before that would be 3:25, but the security line in Nashville doesn't open until 4 am, so the planned departure from the hotel was set for 3:15 in the AM. I tried to go to bed a little after 9, hoping I would get some 4 to 5 hours of sleep. Instead, I woke up just before midnight and couldn't get back to sleep. 

I tried, I really did. But I ended up being wakeful until after 2 am. I did doze off enough to miss my 2:35 am alarm, but the 2:45 am alarm got me up. I ate some cut watermelon I'd gotten from Whole Foods and got dressed. I didn't bother with a shower, just double checked everything was packed and left a tip for housekeeping. 

I was done before 3:15, but I was still second to last to arrive of my group. We got in an Uber, made it to the airport where I then had to wait in line to check my bag. Then security - where I had to go through twice because I forgot to drink the last of the water in my bottle. I blame that on the Uber - it was a tight fit for 5 passengers plus luggage, and instead of drinking my water, I had to use my elbows to keep other people's luggage from braining me. 

But we made it through and got on the short flight to Atlanta. Yes, Atlanta. Because why not go south and east when your destination is north and west? That's where things started to fall apart. Our flight's departure was delayed 50 minutes, and then 10 more. Then we sat on the tarmac after boarding for another 10 to 20 minutes. Our layover at Salt Lake was already going to be tight, but the pilot assured us that they would make up time in the air. 

Ha!

They may have made up time in the air, but it wasn't enough for us. When we neared Salt Lake, one of the flight attendants tried to help folks with tight connections by announcing said connections and having people raise their hands, something they don't typically do. Several destinations were announced, but not Boise. No, we had already missed our flight. 

Two of my party got rebooked on a flight later that day to Boise. Two got booked over to San Francisco to spend the night and then get to Boise in the morning. I got rebooked to fly into Seattle the next day and then Boise that afternoon. This was not acceptable. 

After a very long wait in the customer service line, I got onto standby for the same day flight to Boise, as did my fellow travelers who had not been automatically rebooked for it. We ate lunch and then went to stand by and see if there would be any room on the flight for us. I saw my name up on the board as being on standby - a first for me. But my fellow travelers were not on the board and were starting to be resigned to a night in Salt Lake or a return trip to the customer service line. 

But in the end, there was room for all of us. I even got to sit next to one of my party in the row right behind first class with more leg room than I could possibly use. The seat felt like how I remember airplane seats being in my youth, much wider than the economy seats are nowadays. It was tolerable, and I even managed to doze on the flight. 

Even with my toes pointed, I couldn't touch the seat in front of me.

It was an absolutely draining, incredibly long day. It's one thing if you've got a flight and it just has a lot of layovers or will take a long time. It's a different thing if you're running on less than 3 hours sleep and don't know when or whether you'll get home. I'm really hoping my next flight has nowhere near this level of insanity - at the very least, I'll be protesting any attempt to book me on a flight before 6 in the morning... 

Body Work

I credit transitioning to barefoot shoes with calming down my iliotibial bands. I used to get intense pain from running and even backpacking if I didn't keep those IT bands stretched out with regular running. Rolling the IT bands on a foam roller was always incredibly painful. Now, I can miss a few days of running and now have the IT band pain come back. When I foam roll, it isn't excruciating. 

But in the last couple weeks, I was noticing a new pain cropping up on my right side. It was a weird combination of heel and ankle pain, and it only made itself felt when I was running. 

After one recent run, I did some self massage and figured out that the muscle running along the outside of my right calf was extremely tight. I massaged in some CBD balm and tried to decrease the tension on the muscle, but it didn't help very much. Enough that I could keep running, but the pain wasn't going away. 

I began to think about it even when it wasn't hurting, and I noticed that when I stood still, I had a tendency to roll my weight to the outside of my right foot. I noticed it once, and then again and again. It was definitely a habit. And it was a habit that clearly led to muscles tightening up on the outside of my right leg - exactly where I'd traced the heel pain to. 

I've been working on paying attention to where my weight is when I'm standing still, and I can feel how it's making a difference to the tight muscles in my right leg. My last few runs haven't been as painful in that area, though I still have a ways to go. 

And it occurred to me that this was a long formed habit in response to who knows what in my past. If I didn't pay attention and work on fixing it, it would probably lead to injury eventually. Or it would cause me to stop running. 

And if that can happen to my physical body without my noticing, then doesn't it also make sense that such habits could happen in my mind? What kinds of little habits have I picked up mentally that I don't notice until I try something "strenuous"? Something that stretches me beyond my comfortable routines. . .  

I'm going to be paying more attention to my habits, both physical and mental, going forward, that's for sure. 

Really Late Book

I meant to finish my second book from last season in February. And in March, April, and May. 

It's now June, and I haven't hit publish. I've been making progress, but of the very slow variety. To be fair, I felt ill for a good portion of those months - not from tummy issues for once, but a variety of long last colds. (I did a home Covid test at one point and came up negative.)

June really needs to be the month that I wrap this thing up. I don't want to go on more trips without having put this one to bed, so to speak. So I need to just focus myself and make it happen. I'm really down to the nitty gritty parts that don't take a whole lot of thought. Just a lot of persnickety placement work for the photos (which are all plated and captioned), and then the cover, and then the standard print size, and then the cover for that, and finally the ebook version and ebook cover. That should make it a wrap. That's one long day's work or several partial days, and the hardest part will be writing the back cover copy. At any rate, I'm aiming for no later than June 15th. 

It's definitely doable. I just need to make sure that I put the book first on my priority list. And that I don't catch another of those annoying colds that sap my brain and creative energies.