Introspection

It's 94.95 degrees on my porch, but it doesn't feel that hot to me. Of course, I'm in full shade, which helps with keeping cool, but I think it's mostly because I've been so cold lately. It's taking longer for my body to get warm enough to care about it being hot outside. But I can feel it happening; the sweat is getting ready to pop out on my brow, and I'll soon be forced to retreat into the air conditioned comfort of my apartment. 

But not yet. Now, I'm writing, not distracted by the television or any music. I am a bit distracted by passers-by and the squirrels and birds bold enough to dare eating birdseed mere feet away from my feet. Overall, however, I'm much more able to focus out here. 

I've got a good amount of writing to do in the next few days. I'll be going out of town on Tuesday morning, so I need to have a couple of blogs prepped and ready to go for each of my blogs. I know what I'm writing about for the next couple of Gym to the Mountain posts, since I still have a couple of days of my 4th of July trip to put up, and then I have other exercise related things that are easy to write about. 

Here though, I'm just not sure what to write. I hold myself back, here, from writing about some of the things that occupy much of my mind these days. I don't want to write about politics here, at least, not too extensively. And I don't want to let all my focus here go to the pandemic either. But I find that I consume a lot of politics and pandemic related news. And I grind and think on those items, and I might write about them... but not here. 

I guess another thing that's been occupying my thoughts in this space of strangeness engendered by the pandemic. I find myself thinking about who I am, and what I am. Who I want to be, and how that meshes with who I am now. Who I was in the past, and how I got here from there. I'm a bit confounded about how it is that I came from years of Catholic schooling and never really believed in any of it. Looking at myself, I feel like I've chosen paths that I really had no "right" or "reason" or "impetus" to choose. How did I manage to decide that I didn't need to wear makeup, growing up in this society and in my family? 

But that's not necessarily blog material either.