Acceptance

My ankle is still bugging me. But I managed to take it on a 24 mile backpacking trip and saw the eclipse totality in the wilderness, no one around but my husband. We had an entire meadow to ourselves, and a full view of Mount Everly. Well, technically, we had a little company. A small plane was flying overhead and managed to sneak itself into my totality pictures. I actually think it adds something to them.

Totality and airplane. I don't have the best camera (or camera skills) for this shot.

And after my husband and I returned from the trip, I tried giving my ankle a few more days of rest to see if it would finally stop hurting.

It wouldn't, so I've moved on to another tactic. I'm getting back into my exercise routine. I'm going to do my best and take what care with my ankle that I need to, but I'm back going to cross fit and the gym.

I keep wondering if I should have gone to the doctor about it. Or if it would be worthwhile to go now, since my ankle is still hurting and its been several weeks. But at this point, I'm thinking I'll just gut it out. Give it support, ice now and then, stretch it and do ankle abc's.

Yesterday at cross fit, I read a quote written on one of the chalkboards:

Accept your circumstances. Accept exactly where you are and strive for progress. Stay present and fall back in love with the process of getting better. Because focusing on the future can destroy us. - Michael Cazayoux

It really hit home to me that I need to accept that right now, my ankle isn't 100%, but I'll get it there. I just need to do what I can and focus on healing and improving.

Easier written than done.

But I'll try.

Emphasis

I got a massage last week. I'd been looking forward to it this time especially because I hoped the therapist could help calm down the leg muscles that kept pulling on my hurt ankle. I'd been trying to rub the muscles into submission myself, but there's only so much I know how to do.

She did indeed do a lot of work that helped my body feel better. But I think the most important thing I got out of the experience was a realization that I had been stressing. A lot.

I stressed that I was injured and had to cancel a backpacking trip. I stressed about being ready for the next backpacking trip - the one to go and view the eclipse that I'd been planning for years. And I had the normal stresses of work.

What I didn't have was my normal method of stress release, namely, vigorous exercise of the backpacking and Crossfit varieties preferably. I was being cautious, perhaps excessively cautious, about working the hurt ankle. I wanted it to heal in time for the eclipse trip so much. Just heal the heck up and let me hike.

I realized that I need to have a game plan for the next time I can't use vigorous exercise for stress relief for whatever reason (hopefully not injury again). I don't really know what that plan is going to look like, but even just acknowledging what I was doing to my body, especially my muscles, helped. After the massage I was more conscious of not tensing up because of stress.

Not sure what I'll come up with, but I'm going to figure something out, because I really don't like the way I feel when I'm stressed.

The Hot Seat

I tend to be cold. When my husband is stripped down to shorts, pushing me away because my body heat is making him sweat, I'm nearly shivering in a sweatshirt, huddled under blankets. I've warmed up a bit since I started backpacking, especially when I'm out there, working hard and breaking a sweat. But at home (and at work, where they air condition the spaces extra cool), I get chilly.

Sometimes I solve this with layers of clothing. Others with hot tea or a quick set of calisthenics. But the best and most reliable solution is actually writing.

For some reason I have yet to figure out, sitting at my desk and writing always warms me up. If I'm already a comfortable temperature, it won't be long before I'm sweating. If I'm bundled up in a sweatshirt, it won't be long before I tear it off. This phenomena cannot be explained by the heat of my laptop alone. There has to be more to it.

It is nearer the window than the couch where I sit with my husband, but not that much nearer. And in the winter, that should make it colder. Except we usually set up a heater near the window to counteract that. Okay, in the winter it makes sense I'd get hot, with the heater and all. But not in the summer or spring or fall.

Writing doesn't make me tense or stressed. There's really no reason to become heated. But I do.

I guess the only way to find out if it's the writing or the position is to move things around, but there's really not room in our studio apartment for much rearrangement. We haven't rearranged any furniture since we moved in. There's just room enough for everything to stay in its place.

The mystery shall remain. I really should start using it to my advantage more often though.

Too cold? Time to write!

Spinning Wheels

I don't feel that I've gotten very much done in the last week. I haven't been getting my butt in the writing chair because it doesn't seem the best place for the ankle. And also I'm a little sad about the whole being injured thing and sorely missing going to Crossfit. And last week was incredibly hectic at work, because I had been planning on being out this week.

But since I'm not going backpacking, I'm not taking the days. What would be the point of taking a vacation if I wasn't going to use it to go somewhere? At least, a vacation of a whole week. I hardly know what to do with myself over the winter break when work shuts down for a week. No way am I voluntarily doing that when I can't even go exercise.

But I do have some more books up, though I need to turn focus to creating paper versions of them, as well as publishing the rest of the shorts and working on a collection. Plus get to writing. That's the trick. Somehow, I'm able to get my butt in the chair for at least a few minutes each week and get something posted on this blog and my gym blog, but I'm not getting there at other times.

I know I can get work done if I get my butt in the chair. I just need to get myself there more often. Which should be a lot easier now that my ankle isn't all swollen. It's still a bit sore and tender but I walked with just a brace yesterday, no crutch, all day. I even went to the gym, though I only did weight machines and upper body work.

I might be able to get back to Crossfit - with no running - as early as Sunday. And I'm feeling more positive than ever that I'll be taking my planned backpacking trip to the Sawtooth Wilderness for the eclipse.

Not Quite What I Planned

I was planning on getting a bit more done over the weekend than I actually did.

But this time, I have an actual excuse that is sort of valid.

First, the results: I published one short story and submitted one to a paying market. I also published a short novel. It's more than I had last week, so I will take it as a failure to success. Especially the short story, because I've been very hesitant to self publish short stories. Okay, the short novel was a triumph too, since it's a story that I've been writing for years and only wrapped up this last May.

I would have spent more time at my computer desk, but I rolled my ankle while running at crossfit on Saturday and felt it was better to keep the thing elevated as much as possible through the first 48 hours post injury. My new desk chair has many advantages, but it isn't possible to comfortably sit in it with an elevated foot.

My focus now will be to continue to put up those short stories that I can't figure out a market to submit to and get back on to writing my solo book and the Chamberlain Basin guidebook that Ambrose wants done.

I'm actually a little bit down after rolling my ankle. I'm worried that I won't be able to do my backpacking trip next week, and maybe even miss my big hike for the eclipse. It is so frustrating not to be exercising at the level that I was. I know it's in a good cause. I know that rest now will enable me to keep going later. But I just want to go out and get sweaty! And not from crutching my way down the hallway at work.

I guess this will just help me get my butt at the writing desk, since I can't channel my energy towards hard core workouts that leave me exhausted (but in that good way).