Variations on an Omelet

Every Sunday, I cook breakfast. Ambrose cooks pretty much every other meal that we share, so that's my one meal a week. I have two things that I cook: grits & eggs and omelets. This past Sunday was an omelet day, and, as we typically do, on Saturday night we discussed what I might put in his omelet. 

He brought up the idea of chopping up some apple and putting that in the omelet. I thought that a fresh apple would probably be too juicy for an omelet, so I countered with apple butter. And he agreed, as a kind of wild experiment. 

And so on Sunday, I made him an omelet with some chicken sausage, apple butter and queso cheese. 

You might be wondering, do those flavors even go together? Could they possibly work? In an omelet? 

In a word, yes. 

Absolutely. 

I forgot to take a picture before I gave it to him, and after I could only get one that was slightly blurred by the fact that he wanted to eat, thank you very much, not have a picture taken of his food. The apple butter in question was actually apple walnut butter, so I like to consider that it's the omelet version of a chicken apple salad. Fancy! 

Ambrose rated the omelet as "amazing." Next time, he'd like some pickled jalapeno added, and maybe some cream cheese as well. We'll see. 

Hopeful Possibility

In the years since I first started trying to fix the intense gut pains that, in some way, have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, but that I only began to work on in 2015, I have cut a LOT of foods out of my diet. It started with a recommendation from my doctor to try the low FODMAP diet, because my symptoms matched Irritable Bowel Syndrome. That diet is supposed to be used briefly, in a way. One cuts out all foods with FODMAPs, which is an acronym for a certain type of fiber, and if one feels better, then one adds back in one food at a time to figure out which foods are triggering. 

I followed that diet. I did not experience relief. So I added some things back, and I tried to eat things that didn't make me feel worse. But it was hard to know what those things were. A few years later, I got diagnosed with mild delayed gastric emptying and they told me to cut out fiber. 

I didn't get much information other than, cut out fiber. 

Everything I read online indicated a diet low in fiber shouldn't be long term and should only be under supervision of a doctor. My doctors looked at me like I was crazy when I talked about reintroducing fiber. 

It was as if they were convinced simultaneously that 1) what I had wasn't going away and 2) they couldn't prove that I had IBS. But if they couldn't even prove that IBS was the problem, because IBS is, itself, not well understood, then how could they expect me to trust that I couldn't change anything? 

Last year, I started trying to eat more healthily and focused on the removal of foods with "natural flavors" or "artificial flavors" in the ingredients list. I figured that if something was irritating my gut, then I should know every ingredient that I ingest. Those two phrases can be substitutes for any number of compounds, any of which could cause me trouble. The less of those I ate, the better, I figured. 

And in December, my husband and I began calorie counting. We keep track of what we eat and how much of it we eat. Turns out it's hard to find foods that not only exclude unnamed flavor compounds, but also fit in with the kinds of food I currently allow myself - low fiber, trying to avoid most FODMAPs with the exception of apples because that's one food that I haven't had trouble with. I ended up trying a food that contained nutritional yeast. 

It messed me up. After that, my digestion went crazy, causing constipation and bloating. I felt my stomach gurgling that night and I kicked myself for not looking up if yeast can cause issues with IBS before I ate the damn things. But I didn't go checking until the next morning, where I found absolutely no counterindications regarding IBS and yeast. 

But I did find information about yeast intolerance, and I could check off just about every box for symptoms of a yeast intolerance. 

So now I'm trying 30 days without eating yeast. My husband has cooked up some roti for me to eat instead of sourdough bread. I've discovered the crackers that I relied on for snacks and meals also have yeast so they're out. I'm counting day 1 as March 17, since I did a liquid diet that day (no, not beer, that's got yeast). But I'm already showing signs of better digestion. 

I'm feeling both positive and angry. Excited and sad. Because if this turns out to be the thing, the big thing that has always been wrong with me, that is, maybe, the reason that I've always been a bit overweight, then that it will be amazing that I found it. But terribly frustrating that it took so long to figure it out. And infuriating that no doctor once suggested it as a possibility. 

Still, this might just be a wild hare that I'm chasing. I need to be prepared for the possibility that whatever is going on can't be fixed by a simple dietary exclusion. Or, at least, not this particular exclusion. 

Idaho Disappointment

On Monday, March 14, 2022, my husband was on a run on the Boise Greenbelt. He often runs on the Greenbelt near our apartment. I haven't been using the Greenbelt for my runs since the pandemic started, but he still uses it. I also decided I don't want my running route to require crossing Parkcenter on a weekday because I don't like waiting for the walk signal. 

Most of the time when he runs on the Greenbelt, he ignores everyone and everyone ignores him. Or some folks might do the 'Boise nice' thing and smile and say hello. He would then reciprocate. 

But on that day, something different happened. Something that angers me, shocks me, though maybe it shouldn't. Something disgusting. 

A woman on a bicycle stopped and accosted him. 

"N****** don't belong on the Greenbelt. Get off the Greenbelt n*****." 

"I'm going to kill you, n*****, I'm going to slit your throat, I'm going to cut your dick off." 

He raised his chin to offer his throat. He called her a racist. He went on his way, not thinking too much of the incident, because, sadly, this is not a new thing for him. This kind of thing happened in his youth all too often. 

Heck, a lower key version of this happened for years when he went to a Boise area gym. He never complained there, because it didn't seem like anyone would do anything. He expected the staff not to care or to side with those choosing to make him feel unwelcome. 

But this woman performed an act of violence towards him with her words, because her words were physically threatening. She threatened to kill him and mutilate him.

That is not okay. 

And so even though he doesn't know who she was, and she will likely never be called out for her actions, he has put in a complaint to the Boise Police Department. This action is recorded. Maybe nothing will happen, but there is a record. And, according to the police, this was a hate crime. 

Several months ago, my husband went into a gas station and the white clerk asked him if he thought Idaho was a racist state. He replied yes, and she was shocked. Well, gas station clerk, the reason you don't think Idaho is racist is because that woman would never have told you to get off the Greenbelt. 

Racism is designed to be invisible to anyone other than its targets. Ignorable. Inconceivable. 

When, in fact, it's everywhere. 

Not everyone, no. 

But I don't know if you can throw a stone in Idaho without hitting a racist. 

Books!

Pretty late this year, but I finally got the print copies of my books in and I'll be mailing them out today. I'm still working on the next book's text, but I think I can get that done pretty quickly if I can just block out some solid time for writing. I have made a good amount of progress on it so far; I'd say I'm about halfway through the first draft. 

Once the text is done, it shouldn't take too long to get the rest of it all set. It's only about 2 day hikes, but they are along the Idaho Centennial Trail. I don't want to miss any parts of the trail in my books, and if I try to put this in next year's, then it will be way too long. Next year is going to be long enough as it is, since I'll be including a day hike and a 6 or 7 day backpack. 

The one odd thing about the books this year is that the background color for the large print editions is a slightly different shade than the standard print editions. It's funny, because I use the exact same template to create the covers. The only difference, on my end, between the two is the little "large print" icon I put on the large print ones. 

Box of books :D

Still, I'm happy with them. 

Float On

I think it's important to consider one's body an ally. There's a lot of body positivity going around, but I don't want to just praise my body no matter its state. I want to work with my body to try and reach the goals that I want to achieve. I know that my body won't succeed if I punish it, and I know that what I need to do is stay the course with calorie counting. 

It is natural for the body to resist weight change, to resist reduction. I know that there are factors beyond my ability to measure that influence the number on the scale. And I've been sick for pretty much the entire month of February, so my exercise routine is completely thrown off. 

I weigh more at the beginning of March than I did at the end of February. But I still weigh less than I did at the beginning of the year. Even though I did bump up slightly over 150 pounds in February, I still believe that staying the course is the right thing to do. 

Change isn't fast. 

Change isn't automatic. 

Losing weight is not a simple thing. If it were simple, then EVERYONE would be doing it. There would be no diet industry, no millions of yo-yo dieters gaining and losing the same pounds, no women starving themselves into anorexia and puking themselves into bulimia. It is just NOT a simple thing. 

It's a difficult thing. It requires extreme long term planning. It requires discipline that I didn't use to have. It requires making the right choices even when they don't feel like they're making a difference. It absolutely requires separating one's emotional state from one's decision making process. Especially because a reduced calorie diet can make one more emotionally unstable. It's hard to be stable when you aren't eating enough; I've been on enough backpacking trips when I've been hangry to know that lack of food can affect my processing and my emotions. 

Trust the process is my mantra. Trust the process and work together. My body cannot function without food, and I cannot function without my body. 

I wish calorie counting were a magic bullet. I wish that I could absolutely predict tomorrow's weight based on what I eat today. But I know from experience that isn't true. The scale never follows a logical trajectory. That's part of what makes it hard. 

But I'm not in this to lose weight for a weekend or a day. I'm in this to change my body. To reshape it completely. Of course there's resistance. Of course it's difficult. I'm changing the foundations of my body, and that's no simple task. 

It may at times feel like two steps forward one step back, or even two steps forward four steps back, but the important part is keeping facing in the right direction and eating enough to sustain weight loss, and not eating enough to gain. A tricky balance, but I'm going to have plenty of time to figure it out. 

Because I'm going to stay the course, like the man in the river in the Taoist fable, relaxing into the currents to avoid being dashed upon the rocks. I'm going to finally get over this illness and get back onto my exercise routine. And I'm going to keep up my calorie counting. And I will change my body.